Just call me Midge

For all of you who remember the family get togethers at the old house on Central, you will not have a hard time recalling Grandma Barnhart's special snack mixes - always stale, deceptively tempting, and rarely edible. When pressed, Grandma would admit that some of the components may be a little on the older side, but usually in very vague terms that trailed off into telling you about something else in the fridge you could eat if you wanted.
One year at Thanksgiving, I stood over a bowl filled with tortilla chips, peanuts, triscuits, cheese crackers, pretzel sticks, and several other various items which had weathered enough time in a box or bag on the front porch to be considered worthy of the snack bowl. Having had prior experience with the snack bowl, I knew not all components were created equal. For instance, the tortilla chips could have been a fairly new addition, and therefore to be highly prized as the least stale and retaining much of its original flavor. The triscuits, on the the hand, may have been the original base of the snack mix, and could hypothetically be fossilized at this point, and were to be treated like a ham bone in soup. (A necessity to the recipe, but certainly no one would be foolish enough to attempt EATING it!!) I do not remember which item I eventually chose to try, but I do remember that I chose terribly. I'm actually suspicious that I happened to pick out a mothball which had fallen through the vent in the kitchen ceiling directly into the bowl, slyly joining the festive mixture. After disposing of the moth ball (secretly of course) I asked Grandma when she made the snack mix. This seemed like a good, tactful way of finding out if perhaps none of the components were in fact edible and I should abandon my pursuit immediately. She hemmed and hawed for awhile, and then said something to the effect of "Well, I don't know. I guess I found it on the front porch, and I think its from last Christmas. Why, isn't it good?" I think I lied and said it was, then quickly did the math in my head and realized that was almost a YEAR ago! I wish I could say I never attempted eating anything from a snack mix in subsequent visits, but all you in the Barnhart family know that unlike most children who pick daintily at their food, we were apparently half starved 100% of the time and devoured anything remotely edible within a 100 foot radius of our beings. So of course I made several more attempts, and not all were as unrewarding as the day I just described.
Anyway, the last time I went grocery shopping, I decided to make my own trail mix for Andy and I to put in our lunches. I don't typically like trail mix because it has too many raisins, and I don't really like pretzels that much, but Andy really likes it and I figured it was probably healthier than chips, so I would make a custom blend for us. This is all perfectly acceptable so far. I picked up several different things, including peanuts, cashews, good raisins (not too dried out), cheddar goldfish crackers, honey nut cheerios, and some dark chocolate m&m's. A little unorthodox perhaps, but it seemed like a good mixture of salty and sweet. After putting all the groceries away, I put all the trail mix ingredients in a tupperware container and mixed it up, and overall I was impressed with the results. I saved some out for our lunches, but when I opened the cupboard to put it away, I couldn't find a single place to put it. I had almost decided to just leave it on the counter when I realized that there was a box of Cheez-its that had been in there forever, and if I just threw those away like I should have weeks ago, I would have room for my trail mix. I had almost thrown the box in the garbage when a little thought popped into my head: instead of wasting them, I could just add the to the trail mix! I had thought it needed to be a little more on the salty side anyway, so this was a perfect solution. I quickly emptied the box and mixed the crackers in, then took a handful to see how it tasted with my newest addition. While it didn't begin to compare to the mothball I'd almost ingested years before, I was immediately reminded of why I was going to throw the Cheez-its away: because they were very old. And mixing them with a bunch of new fresh food didn't make them any less old. At this exact moment, I realized what I had done. It was so easy, and seemed like a very sensible thing to do at the time.
I've now placed Andy on alert. If he sees me placing any food in water, especially fruit or hot dogs, a direct intervention is called for. Also, if I ever save old coffee, especially if I save it in 2-liter soda bottles, this is not to be taken lightly and you will all be notified.
Well, all this writing has tired me out, and I'm actually getting kind of hungry with all this talk about food. I think I'll go eat on the pork chops we had for dinner last night...