On or about October 3, 2009, the humans known as Benjamin James Barnhart and David Lee Barnhart (ages 32 and 25, respectively) were abducted from the residence of Mr. Benjamin Barnhart (3636 40th Avenue S, Mpls, MN) by alien life forms of unknown derivation. The purposes of this abduction are unknown at this time.
FBI sources close to the entity known as the leader of the alien life forms, have informed us that the humans known as Mr. Barnhart and Mr. Barnhart have been replaced with well-crafted, automatonic replicant life forms very closely approximating Messrs. Barnhart. Cameras placed within the residence have captured these photographs of the replicant life forms engaged in "authentic imitative behaviour intended to deceive."
We have reason to believe that the replicant life forms are attempting to mask their nonhuman status by passing as humans—particularly, humans engaged in familial event reënactments like the celebration of holidays or birthdays. To that end they've adopted the curious practice of engaging in a birthday celebration. As can be seen from the photos, the eyesight of newborn replicants is not fully developed and they must rely on supplemental light sources in order to discern food objects from utensil objects.
Little is known of the replicant's intentions, though it is safe to assume that their schemes are nefarious and their intentions malevolent. Until we can verify that the actual Messrs. Barnhart have been returned to the planet Earth, we recommend caution on the part of anyone who would interact with these alien life forms. Please exercise extreme prejudice when engaging in any conversations or financial transactions of less than $0.73.
One final note: the president has directed our agency to honor October 3rd as the birth date of Janell McCann, the sister of the recently abducted Messrs. Barnhart. Happy birthday, Ms. McCann. We're doing our best to return your brothers to you.
4 comments:
Aliens indeed! My Ben didn't sport a beard and mustache! And the alien posing as David has a most peculiar smile...I think it's called a pulled face! I want my sons back! Though, the alien's beard and mustache look pretty good. Glad we have pictures, and can see if Ben thinks he might want to give it a whirl!
I don't like these aliens. on the other hand, they look like they know how to make good chocolate cake
I think I'll spend my 29th year hiding in a cellar...those are the creepiest birthday wishes I've ever received!
Ok seriously, what is going on here? I refuse to believe that you wore a headlamp with this well-crafted story already in place.
And by the way new life forms, when honoring one's birthday in their abscence, it is only courteous that you mail her an equal amount of cake as you have consumed.
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