Michael Barnhart the father of modern day Autumnology presents "Progress in Autumnology".In the early days of Autumnology, leaves were harvested with metal rakes attached to wooden poles and hauled away by dragging them on a flexible material such as a canvas. Modern advances brought forth plastic rakes which though less durable were more light weight and reduced arm and shoulder strain while spending long days harvesting.
When slave labor was no longer available, the wheel was introduced. Two wheels attached to a light weight metal fabricated cart allowed for larger loads of leaves to be moved by only one person.
Next came the advent of the internal combustion engine. Powered by fossil fuels the engine was coupled to a blower wheel and produced enough wind turbulence to move the leaves into piles to be loaded onto the two wheeled transporting cart.
Even with these great strides in technology. Autumnologists are continually hampered by short daylight hours during the harvesting season. To overcome this obstacle the modern day incandescent lamp has been taken from it's normal use indoors and brought outside. Housed in weather proof fixtures the incandescent lamp can now light up the darkness and extend harvesting well into the night time hours.
The latest advance in Autumnology has been the recent discovery that the age old theory that only dry leaves can be harvested is a myth perpetrated by teenage slackers wishing for more video game time inside. Wet leaves can and have been successfully harvested by the author of this treatise. With ample consideration given for the added weight of the wet leaves, one simply loads fewer leaves onto the two wheel transporting cart.
And so you now see that from the brute force of slave labor to the modern harvesting of leaves, Autumologists have brought us from the stone age to the modern age with technology and innovation. What will be next? Only time will tell, but already some are predicting self composting leaves or leaves that self combust on the tree when stuck by Autumn sun rays.
Very interesting history, Professor Barnhart. I wonder if you would care to speculate on ways that the International Arborist Society might play a role in reducing leaf strain, perhaps by purchasing Sylvan Bonds and engaging a Quantitative Easing of leaf weights. Or perhaps the Central Leaf Depository might rise to the challenge of homeowners like ourselves and extend daylight hours well into the night to allow for more efficient use of raking times.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Dr. Ben Barnhart
Certified Questioner, B.Q,e.D.
Er, humph, ah yes, I agree completely Dr Ben.
ReplyDeleteMay I add it is quite a statement of the advancement of our society when a form slave of the leaf harvesting season is now a land owner himself with a highly respected degree. And also a noted Autumologist. What a country!
I dislike that my identity has been reduced to mere "slave labor"
ReplyDeleteIf you and mom kept having kids in hopes of gaining more help around the house, you must be pretty disappointed with the most recent addition
TEENAGE SLACKERS???!!! That's the thanks I get for the painful blisters and ensuing calloused palms?! I remember raking feverishly, well into the night after the sun had set, hoping I would still have enough strength to dry the dishes when I got inside, and then perhaps have a little dinner before I crawled wearily to bed. Even if it was just a little dog poop sauce.
ReplyDeleteAt least you had dog poop sauce, Janell. Sometimes my only dinner was the food-reminiscent water that I wrung out of the dish-drying towel.
ReplyDeleteNow, wait a minute! The mere fact there were even dishes to wash and dry would indicate those were dishes used for both cooking and eating. I don't remember any cases of Kwashiorkor in our family.
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for my siblings, but I avoided kwashiorkor by chewing on the bark of pine trees as I walked twenty miles to my bus stop at 4:00 in the morning during severe snowstorms.
ReplyDeleteOh, my! You're an old Grandpa before your time, telling a tall tale like that! I would, however, believe you if you told of how hard it was to deliver newspapers, by bike, in the snow and ice:)
ReplyDelete